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July 15, 2003 - 22:38 |
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isolated
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Okay previous pseudo-poem explanation. I doubt my bf is really trying to be clingy or seem so needy, but it's coming off that way. I don't like needy, I don't like clingy. I think he does though. That's not me....not all of me.
Sometimes I need him to hold my hand, sometimes I need to cling, but I don't like it. I try not to do it. I prefer to stand on my own two feet. Always just me and me alone. Right now I do not want to be clung to like a liferaft, I don't need someone to be needy right now. I have too many worries, too many demands.
Right now is a time when I wish for my old life. A life with no friends, no internet, isolated....Me and my books. People expect things of me now and I don't wanna provide. I don't want those stresses and worries in my life.
I don't want this life. I want to be behind my walls again. Strong and sturdy walls. Can I rebuild what I am trying to tear down? Would that make sense? Would that make this all a futile exercise? Oh why can't I be empty and hollow and useless again.
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