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July 17, 2003 - 00:19 |
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I want to cry
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I could just cry and this time I know why. I'm making an ass of myself and slowing tearing this relationship apart....thread by thread. It doesn't help that recently his attitude towards EVERYTHING has been getting under my skin.
Like, for example, the other day I got home and had about 10 messages from him asking where I was, if I was okay, why wasn't I asnwering him, if I was mad at him, accusing me of being "tired" of him. I said today that yes I do want to talk to him, but not if he's gonna act like a stalker and send me 10 msgs in an hour!
Of course he took it literally that I was calling him stalker. So he's feeling all hurt and insulted and when I responded that I didn't call him a stalker, but that if everything I said bothered him I would just shut up. Well! Back he goes to the self-loathing/self-pity thing that oh he'll be the one to shut up because all he does is screw up.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!
I have had to listen to the same broken record over and over and over in the 2 1/2 years we've been together. At first I was hoping he would get over this childish type behavior. We all do it occasionally. Don't say you don't, but he does it all the bloody time.
I really do love him and I would really love to be with him, but he's driving me up the wall with this. I've been as supportive as I can for as long as I can, but now I just can't stand it. I just want him to get over it and not have it so that *I* have to lift him up all the time. I don't like it. I don't mind comforting him now and then, but I can't carry him all the fucking time!
I just want to cry. The stress in this relationship wasn't so bad before, but it's getting to be too much. I know he'll throw up his depression as an excuse, a crutch for his actions. My mother does the same thing you know. I hate it!
To those that have depression I know it's real and I'm not saying it's not. I just have met too many people who like to use it as their crutch...An excuse to act certian ways when they know better.
Gawd, I just want to cry.
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