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June 24, 2004 - 19:27 |
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Something I Don't Know
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I'm not sure what to say after all this time. I guess I've been down, gone. I'm really not sure what's wrong with me right now...
I showed up late for work today. Almost an hour late. I brought a lunch even though I knew that one of the project managers had won a Subway lunch for the office.
I was even thinking about that yummy subway sandwhich I was going to eat as I made this lunch that I wouldn't touch. I even thought about the time I was supposed to be at work as I left an hour after the time I should of.
I don't think I'm really explaining things well right now. I mean to say I was thinking about these things, but they weren't clicking over any relays. I just literally wasn't thinking. Not really, anyway.
Maybe it's the moving thing. There's just so much shit I need to do. So much packing that needs to be done that I keep putting off and work has been so hectic lately. I'm making more money there now than I ever thought I could make in this job without working full time.
I have so many half finished projects and I haven't done my last 3 homework assignments. Only 2 out 5 compeleted means I fail...
Nothing seems important right now. Not really anyway. I think about what I have to do as I sit here staring at my computer. Not posting on my forums or answering my e-mails....or really not doing anything, but opening Snood, playing 1/2 a game and then shutting it and then opening it again.
I feel like crying all the time too. At commercials, TV, movies, even the fucking news! Or sometimes I'll just be sitting here and staring at my computer and some 1/2 heard thought will float across my mind and I'll feel like bawling. Of course, I don't cry. I cannot bear to let myself break down like that....I just can't. I don't know what I'm going to do though. *sigh*
I'm just forgetting about everything and everyone. Just sort of drawing away from the world. No excuse for it, but I am.
Maybe something in me knows something that I don't.
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